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Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Why Do I Get Annoyed with People?

If you find that you often get annoyed with people then it may be that you hold the following core belief: 'Other people must/should treat me considerately, fairly and kindly.'

I hope that sometimes people do treat you fairly and considerately but is it sensible to expect that they will always do so and is it reasonable to suggest that they must do so?

This kind of must/should belief is the second of three types of irrational demands that the famous psychotherapist Albert Ellis identified as causing emotional difficulties - anger and aggressive types of behaviour being the possible consequences of having this kind of belief about what other people should be like. If you have a tendency to hold strict expectations of how other's should act towards you, ask yourself:

Why should everyone treat me fairly? Is this what always happens in the world?

Write down your answers then write down the counter arguments - reasons why your alleged justifications for thinking that everyone should treat you fairly and considerately are unrealistic or extreme or over harsh.

Remind yourself of some of the reasons why your expectation that others should always treat you fairly is unrealistic/extreme/over harsh. Perhaps you don't always treat everyone else reasonably, or perhaps you do but does that mean that everyone else should do the same as you - isn't that placing an unreasonable demand on them? (Add your own reasons - these are just some starting points!)

Whenever your find yourself getting angry at someone else, remember your reasons suggesting that your expectations of how others should behave towards you may be very inflexible or unrealistic. See if this helps you to feel less angry and to act in a more balanced way.

Find Self-Coaching eBooks at: Downloadable Self-Help eBooks
Coaching Resources available at: Coaching, CBT & Self-Help Ideas

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