Monday, 24 November 2014

I Need the Approval of Everyone

I think that it is healthy and reasonable to value the approval of some people, particurlarly those who are important to you. However if, as the title of this blog post suggests, you think that must always get the approval of others then you are putting an awful lot of pressure of yourself. You are probably doomed to fail in your quest for universal approval and you may well dismiss some genuine reasonable approval that you do get.

This kind of must belief is 1 of 3 types of irrational demands that the famous psychotherapist Albert Ellis identified as causing emotional difficulties - shame, anxiety, guilt, depression being some of the possible consequences of having this kind of extreme belief about having to get eveyone's approval.

If you have a tendency to seek everyone's approval, ask yourself:

Why must you win everyone else's approval?

Write down your answers then write down the counter arguments - reasons why your alleged justifications for seeking everyone else's approval are too simplistic or inaccurate or exaggerated.

Remind yourself of some of the reasons why you do not always need to get everyone's approval. Sometime's it is OK not to have someone's approval for your actions - their views may be misguided, you are entitled to your own views, you are fallible like anyone else, it's OK to make mistakes (Add your own reasons - these are just some starting points!)

Whenever you find yourself about to act in a certain way purely to try to get someone else's approval, remember your reasons why you do not always need everyone else's approval and see if it helps you to feel more balanced and to act in a more constructive way.

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Coaching Resources available at: Coaching, CBT & Self-Help Ideas

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